The #1 Goal of Parenting a Teen: How to Connect with Your Teen in Every Moment
If you’re a parent navigating the teen years, you’re probably wondering what the most important goal of parenting a teenager really is. Is it teaching them to be responsible? Helping them make good decisions? Ensuring they can manage on their own?
While all of these are important, the #1 goal of parenting a teenager is to connect with them in every moment you have with them. That’s right—connection is the foundation for everything else.
Why Connection Matters More Than Anything
Before you can help your teen make good decisions, be a responsible person, or take care of themselves, you need to build a strong connection. This means being present with them, understanding their perspective, and addressing them from a place of empathy and understanding—no matter what the situation is.
But let’s be real: It can be incredibly challenging to connect with your teen when they’ve done something you never imagined they would do. In these moments, it’s easy to react with anger, frustration, or disappointment. However, reacting from these emotions can severely damage your relationship and push your teen further away.
How to Respond When Emotions Are High
When your teen does something upsetting, it’s crucial to pause and collect yourself before engaging. Take a moment to calm down—whether that means practicing deep breathing, writing down your thoughts, or using tools like the STEER Map (if you’re unfamiliar with this, check out the link below). The goal is to approach the situation from a calm, collected place where you can truly connect with your teen.
Remember, calming yourself down before addressing your teen doesn’t mean you condone their behavior. Instead, it puts you in a better position to guide them effectively. By connecting first, you can help your teen understand the consequences of their actions and encourage them to make better choices in the future.
The Power of Empowering Questions
So, how do you connect with your teen in a way that fosters growth and understanding? It all comes down to what you say and how you say it. Instead of telling them what they did wrong, try asking empowering questions. These are non-judgmental, thoughtful questions designed to help your teen think critically about their actions and how they want to live their life.
Empowering questions are powerful because they honor your teen’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions. They show that you value what your teen has to say, which builds trust and strengthens your connection. Over time, these questions encourage your teen to express themselves more openly and to think through their decisions more carefully.
Why Connection Leads to Better Decision-Making
When you consistently connect with your teen and use empowering questions, you create a space where they feel heard and valued. This not only strengthens your relationship but also helps your teen develop the skills they need to make thoughtful, informed decisions. They learn to weigh the potential consequences of their actions and to consider who they want to be and what they want to stand for in life.
Conclusion: Make Connection Your Priority
Parenting a teen is no easy task, but by making connection your top priority, you set the stage for everything else to fall into place. The next time you’re faced with a challenging situation, remember to pause, connect, and use empowering questions to guide your teen toward better choices.
If you found this article helpful, don’t forget to share it with other parents and subscribe to my YouTube channel at Coach M - Certified Life Coach-Master NLP Trainer - YouTube for more tips on navigating the teen years.
And remember, the fact that you’re seeking out strategies to be a more effective parent already shows that you’re doing an incredible job. Trust yourself and keep building that connection with your teen!
