How to Increase Your Teen’s Self-Confidence: 2 Powerful Tools for Building Self-Esteem
Hey there, it’s Coach M! Does your teen struggle with low self-confidence or low self-esteem? Do they shy away from taking healthy risks, constantly put themselves down, or express feelings of inadequacy? If you’ve tried everything to boost your teen’s confidence and nothing seems to work, you’re not alone. But here’s the good news—I’ve got two incredible tools that can help your teen build their self-confidence starting today.
Understanding the Root of Low Self-Confidence
Before diving into the tools, it’s important to understand why your teen might be struggling with self-confidence. Often, low self-esteem stems from a belief that they are not "good enough" as they are. This feeling can be reinforced by how they perceive the expectations and judgments of others—especially their parents.
As much as we love our children unconditionally, it’s easy to inadvertently send them messages that they’re not meeting our expectations. Whether it’s through frustration, anger, or constant advice-giving, teens can internalize these interactions as a sign that they need to be different to be loved and accepted. But it’s never too late to shift this dynamic and help your teen see their true worth.
Tool #1: Find and Focus on Their Values
One of the best ways to help your teen build confidence is to help them identify and focus on their core values. Core values are the fundamental beliefs that guide their decisions and behavior. When your teen understands and aligns their actions with these values, they start to feel more authentic, grounded, and confident.
Here’s how you can help:
Identify Core Values Together: Sit down with your teen and go through a list of core values. Have them choose the top 10 that resonate most with them. This activity not only helps your teen understand themselves better but also gives you insight into what matters most to them. If you need a starting point, I’ve linked a helpful Core Values activity in the description below.
Practice the ITA Method: Before discussing values with your teen, use the ITA Method—a strategy that ensures your conversation is positive and effective. The ITA Method involves Intention, Timing, and Approach. Make sure your intention is to connect, choose the right time when your teen is receptive, and approach the conversation with openness and curiosity.
Celebrate Values in Action: After identifying values, pay attention to when your teen lives in alignment with them. Acknowledge and celebrate these moments in a subtle, genuine way. For example, if your teen values thoughtfulness and you see them do something kind for a friend, say, “You’re such a thoughtful friend. I wish I had more friends like you growing up.” Then leave it at that—brief and sincere.
Tool #2: Use the NEED Tool for Supportive Conversations
When your teen comes to you for advice or support, it’s crucial to handle the conversation in a way that builds their confidence. This is where the NEED Tool comes in—an acronym that stands for Now, Empathy, Empower, and Draw upon strengths.
Here’s how to use the NEED Tool:
Now: Be fully present with your teen. Put down your phone, turn away from distractions, and give them your full attention. This shows your teen that they are your priority in that moment.
Empathy: Always lead with empathy. Before offering solutions, validate your teen’s feelings by saying something like, “That must have been really tough for you. I can see why you’d feel upset.” This step is critical because it helps your teen feel understood and valued.
Empower: Instead of jumping in with advice, ask empowering questions that encourage your teen to think through the situation themselves. Questions like, “What do you think you can do to improve the situation?” or “What’s one small step you can take to feel better?” help your teen build problem-solving skills and self-reliance.
Draw upon strengths: After your teen has discussed their plan or decision, acknowledge their strengths. For instance, if they decide to apologize to a friend after a misunderstanding, you could say, “I think it’s really great that you’re taking responsibility and showing courage in apologizing. That shows real maturity.”
Conclusion: Small Shifts, Big Impact
By focusing on your teen’s values and using the NEED Tool in your conversations, you can make a significant impact on their self-confidence. Remember, it’s not about fixing their problems for them—it’s about guiding them to find their own solutions and helping them see the strengths they already possess.
If you found these tips helpful, share this post with other parents who might benefit from these tools. And don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel at Coach M - Certified Life Coach-Master NLP Trainer - YouTube for more strategies on helping your teen thrive!
