The Best Way to Talk to Your Teen: Empowering Conversations for Better Connection
Hey there, it’s Coach M! Today, I’m excited to share with you the BEST and most effective way to talk to your teen. If you’ve ever felt frustrated, unheard, or just plain confused when trying to communicate with your teenager, you’re not alone. But here’s the good news: with the right approach, you can help your teen understand themselves better, think through problems clearly, and ultimately make better choices.
Understanding the Shift: From Childhood to Teenage Years
First, let’s talk about what happens between the younger childhood years and the teen years. Around the ages of 11 or 12, your child goes through a significant developmental and physiological change. They begin to seek autonomy, think for themselves, and want a say in how they live their lives. This is a natural part of growing up, but it can also be challenging for parents.
Teens start to take in more information from their surroundings, forming their own thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Often, they’ll contradict your beliefs or views as a way to assert their independence. While this can be disheartening, it’s a crucial part of their development. That’s why the strategy I’m about to share with you is so important—it will help your teen think more deeply about why they believe what they believe and why they do what they do.
The Key to Effective Communication: Empowering, Non-Judgmental Questions
So, what’s the best way to talk to your teen? It’s through empowering, non-judgmental questions that come from a place of genuine curiosity. This is the key to fostering meaningful conversations with your teenager.
What Is an Empowering Question?
An empowering question is one that encourages your teen to think critically about their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. But asking these kinds of questions requires you to be in the right state of mind. Here’s how to get there:
Listen with Your Heart: This means trying to understand your teen’s emotional state without judgment.
Listen with Your Intuition: Pay attention to how you’re feeling in the moment. Notice the thoughts and emotions that arise when your teen is talking.
Listen with Your Five Senses: Be fully present. Observe the words your teen uses and their body language to gain deeper insights.
By listening with your heart, intuition, and senses, you’ll be able to ask empowering questions from an intuitive, connected place. This can be difficult if you haven’t practiced honing your intuition, which is where many parents get stuck. But don’t worry—I’ve got you covered.
Steps to Take Before You Talk to Your Teen
When you need to talk to your teen about a negative behavior—whether it’s not doing what you asked, talking back, or something else they shouldn’t be doing—it’s crucial that you don’t address the situation while you’re still emotionally charged. Here’s what to do instead:
Take a Step Back: If you’re feeling upset, be honest with your teen. Tell them you need some time to calm down before discussing the situation. This shows them that you’re committed to handling the situation thoughtfully and that you respect their emotions as well.
Process Your Emotions: Go to a quiet place and write down all the thoughts racing through your mind. This helps you get clear on your feelings and prevents you from reacting impulsively.
Ask Yourself Empowering Questions: Before talking to your teen, process your own emotions by reflecting on why you’re upset and what outcome you want from the conversation. This ensures you approach the discussion from a calm, intentional place.
The Power of Empowering Questions
Once you’re in the right frame of mind, you’re ready to ask your teen empowering questions. Start with something like, “Can you tell me why you did [specific behavior]?” or “I’m just confused about why this happened—can you help me understand?”
Be prepared for the classic teen response: “I don’t know.” If that happens, try asking, “Well, if you had to know, what would be your answer for why you think this happened?” This encourages your teen to think more deeply about the situation.
If they still say, “I don’t know,” give them more time. Say something like, “I don’t know isn’t going to work here, so I’ll give you some more time to think about it. I’ll come back in 30 minutes, and we’ll discuss it then.”
Additional Empowering Questions to Ask
To get to the root of the issue, continue asking questions like:
“What feelings come up for you when you think about this situation?”
“What do you think caused you to respond that way? Walk me through your reasoning.”
“What do you ultimately want from this situation?”
“What need were you trying to meet? Were you feeling unheard, misunderstood, or unimportant?”
By drilling down with these questions, you’ll help your teen uncover the real problem and encourage them to think critically about their actions.
Conclusion: Building a Stronger Connection with Your Teen
Empowering questions are the key to helping your teen understand themselves better and make better choices. By asking these questions from a place of curiosity and calm, you’ll strengthen your connection with your teen and create an environment where they feel safe to express themselves.
If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out more of my content where I share tools and strategies for navigating the teen years on my YouTube channel at Coach M - Certified Life Coach-Master NLP Trainer - YouTube.
Remember—you know more than you think! Trust yourself and keep building that connection with your teen.
